There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
