matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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