he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
