oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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