Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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