When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
