bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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