Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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