Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God, I missed his penis.
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