Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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