I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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