You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
