Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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