Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
