My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
