i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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