thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
