Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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