Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
