Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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