Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
