Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
