and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
