I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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