hell yes lets make some ravioli
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
