butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
