don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
