Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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