dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
