I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize