My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My dick has a subreddit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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