Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
