i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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