sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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