I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
