I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
