all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
