My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.