I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool