My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
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You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola