My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off