After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him