I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
