Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize