Acid is not a monday night drug
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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