Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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