Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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