After last night, I could never be a politician.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
