I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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