is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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