When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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