im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
