Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
