There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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