it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
