I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
