you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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