i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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