Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
