im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize