i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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