therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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