I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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