Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
